I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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