jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
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we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
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I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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