i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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