Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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