Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize