Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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