hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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