We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
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I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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