My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize