the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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