Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
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You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
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I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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