3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize