rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize