Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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