I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize