I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
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I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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