I wannas sexs uuuuu
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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