theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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