you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize