Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
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I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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