we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
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This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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