I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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