Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
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Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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