It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
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The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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