he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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