It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize