i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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