I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
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did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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