I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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