I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
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I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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