I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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