My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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