with your own penis?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Two words: nipple clamps
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