I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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