just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize