She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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