erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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