I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize