When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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