i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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