you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
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Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
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Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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