I love black thongs
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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