Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize