Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize