so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize