he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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