Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
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It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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