You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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