You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
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He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
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You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Someone signed my nipple.
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