May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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